Asking Eric: Sister refuses to sell condemned house after sibling buys her mobile home

Dear Eric: I have six siblings, all retired and most of upper-middle class and all living in the same area. My older sister (Rachael) survived marriage to a horrible man. He died 10 years ago and left Rachael with an unmaintained house that now should be condemned, and nothing else. She gets a small pension and Social Security.

After years of talking with my siblings, I decided to buy her a mobile home in a nice senior park. Sibs all said “Wow. That was really nice of you.” Then crickets.

The problem is Rachael won’t do anything to get rid of her old house. She goes there every day and brings more junk to the trailer. It’s been several months. She’s paying her park rent, utilities on both homes and taxes. She can’t afford it.

Recently I told her she must sell soon because I want my money back. It was the only thing I could think of to get her motivated. It’s not about the money at all.

What can I do to get this debacle behind us? I think she’s been so abused she doesn’t think she deserves a decent place to live.

– Haunted House

Dear Haunted House: Oh, no. If I’m reading correctly, you bought your sister a mobile home (presumably as a gift). And now you’re telling her she owes you the money for it? I implore you to retract.

If she has, as you suspect, been so abused that she doesn’t feel comfort or belonging at home, the last thing she needs is another loved one further destabilizing her and dangling a past due bill that she didn’t expect.

What’s the problem with her taking longer than you want to deal with the old house? What harm does it do you? If you’re worried that she can’t afford everything, then tell her that and offer to help her think through budgeting. But also, be open to her answer, even if the answer is “thanks but no thanks.”

Right now, she likely could use counseling to deal with the unprocessed grief and trauma leftover from her relationship. Getting rid of the house may not be so simple.

So, please, don’t demand she pay you back, if that wasn’t what was originally agreed upon. That just sets her up for failure. The onus for putting this debacle behind you is on you.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.